After their shower, David and Brie got dressed and curled up in the chaises lounger in their room and drank hot chocolate. They sat and discussed the events they’d witnessed an hour before. “I honestly think he’s trying to make peace with your ancestors before he goes”, David said.
“Honestly, that doesn’t surprise me, babe. If I know my brother the way I think I do, he feels like he has a lot to atone for.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Matt has always felt that he has to pay some sort of penance for everything he’s ever done wrong. Example: During the Utopian Regime, Matt did a lot of killing. He assassinated the Utopian President, killed a lot of Utopian spies in cold blood, spied on the government in power, taught people how to be killing machines…”
“Don’t forget that he killed his long time mentor”.
“Exactly, though I don’t really think that my point applies to that.”
“What’s your point?”
“The Matthew James Cartwright I know tends to carry his guilt with him and tries to find ways to make up for it. He doesn’t usually let others see how guilty he feels. But, unless there’s a sense of justification, he carries that guilt.”
“And he felt justified in killing the Commandant?”
“Absolutely, Henchly was putting his family in danger.”
“And what does his family encompass?”
“Me and anyone associated with me. That means you, the kids, and the guys and their families.”
“I knew he thought of me as family because I’m your husband, but I didn’t know that about the other guys.”
“He saw how close all of us were and knew that I considered them family.”
“Ok, that makes sense.” He took a sip of his hot chocolate and thought about everything his wife had just told him. “Ok, so let me see if I’m understanding you. If Matt feels justified in killing someone he’s fine with it. But, if he doesn’t it bothers him? Why do it at all if it bothers him?”
“As a Marine, if you don’t follow orders you’re derelict in your duty to family, God, country and Corps.”
“Ah, orders and duty.”
“Exactly.”
“So, what about all of those guards he killed when he escaped from prison?”
“He was in danger and therefore those men dying was justified.”
“What counts as justification to him?”
She sipped her hot chocolate. “There are two things you don’t mess with when it comes to Matt: his family and his safety. Those are definite grounds for justification. Other than that, it really depends on if something falls within his personal belief system or not. I really couldn’t answer that for you.”
David smiled softly. “What you’ve given me is perfectly fine. I don’t expect you to know everything about him.” He laughed. “I do however expect you to know everything about me.”
“And you also expect to know everything about me.” She elbowed him in the ribs playfully.
“You’re damn right I do. You’re my wife; I should know everything about you. And yet you keep surprising me with things like your ability to play the piano.”
She smiled. “I honestly don’t know why I kept that away from you. Honestly, I thought you knew that I played piano seeing as your stalked me for God knows how long before we actually got together.”
“That was my job, you know. Internationally known rock star and secret agent to the United States government”, he said with a laugh.
She laughed and set her mug on the floor to curl up against him. “Oh, I remember those days all too well, baby, and I’ll never forget them.”
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After Brie finally dosed off, David pulled a blanket over them and closed his eyes for the night. He know that their alarm would go off soon and they’d have to start getting the kids up for school. He also knew that they both needed to get a little rest to help Jenn take care of Matt. There was only so much she could do on her own and they both knew it.
As she slept curled against the front of her husband’s body, Brie replayed the scene with Matt in her mind. After he finished coughing, she rubbed his back and tried to give him a little bit of comfort. “It’s ok, Matty. If you’re ready to go, I can let you go. It’s gonna hurt like hell, but I can let you go. You don’t have to stick around to protect me anymore. David does a dandy job of that all on his own.” She sat there and held her big brother, so fragile, and fought not to let him see her cry. If she cried, he would have woke up and felt like shit for making her feel bad. So, she held back her tears. “Love you, little sis”, he whispered in his sleep as he rolled back onto the bed. Her voice broke as she replied, “Love you too, big bro”, and she ran from the bedroom to that she could fall apart by herself. David, of course, followed and found her. He joined her and let her finally feel her grief. Though she couldn’t be sure, she thought that he decided to feel a little of his grief as well. She thought she felt a tear from his eye roll down and brush against her nose and lips. It was a little salty, but she wasn’t going to ask. She knew her husband all too well.
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The next morning after his brothers and sisters were in school, Malachai and Mandy tried to set up cribs for the babies in the nursery. It had finally sank in for both of them that they were going to be parents. But, she couldn’t help but notice that he seemed distracted. There were moments when he’d just gaze off into space for moments on end until she would get his attention again. It happened several times during the course of the day. It was starting to worry her.
When they went in for lunch, she asked her mother in law about what she thought was happening. “He’ll get to doing something and then he’ll start staring off at nothing. I don’t know what’s wrong with him so I don’t know how to help him. It has me worried, Mom.”
Brie smiled at her daughter in law. “Sweetie, I think that’s how he’s dealing with everything that’s going on right now. He’s got a lot of stuff on his mind right now. He’s going to be a father in less than eight months- the father of two no less-, he’s trying to get more gigs for the band so that you two won’t have to rely so heavily on David and I, he’s losing his Uncle to cancer; sweetie, it’s just a lot to deal with. Sometimes I’ll do that. If things are bothering me, I’ll just stare off into nothingness and let me worry, or sadness, or fear, gain my focus for a few moments. It helps if you can distract him so that he can clear his head. Let him have something else to focus on for a small period of time; or, like David likes to do with me, try to make him forget about it all together. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn’t. But, just be supportive of him and try to give him something else to think about.” She smiled at her as they cooked lunch together. When Matt started couching, she sighed. “Excuse me for a moment, Amanda. I need to go tend to my brother”, she said and ran into the living room.
Amanda sat down at the table after she put the rolls into the oven and listened to what was going on in the living room. Matt was coughing hard and Brie was hitting him on the back. “Get it out, Matty”, she’d say. He cough harder and harder. The fits would last for what seemed like forever. When Brie came back into the kitchen, she threw something into the trash, washed her hands, and went back to cooking lunch.
“What was that you just threw away?” Amanda asked.
“It was a bloody handkerchief”, she said with a pause. She set the knife in her hand down that she’d been using to chop up onion and took a deep breath. “Amanda, you were in here when we told the kids that Matt was dying, right?”
“Yeah.”
“When Jenn brought Matt back from the doctor the other day, she told David and I that he’s worse than he thought he was. He told us that he had six months if he discontinued the chemo. It seems that his other doctor miscalculated. It’s more like he has half that with the discontinuation of the chemo and maybe a month if he went back on the chemotherapy.” She turned and looked at her daughter in law.
Amanda looked shocked. “Oh, dear Lord. I’m so sorry to hear that. I guess if I wanted to get to know him, I’d better get started.”
She smiled. “If you want to go talk to Matt, he’s in the living room. I can finish up in here without you.”
Amanda smiled and hugged her mother in law, then ran out of the room. She skidded to a stop rid behind the couch and walked carefully around it so that she could sit and talk to her fiancés uncle. “Hi, Uncle Matt”, she said quietly.
Matt looked at her from the book he was reading. “Well, hi. You must be Amanda, Malachai’s fiancée.”
She smiled. “That would be me. How are you feeling today?”
“The same way I feel every day, like hell.” He looked at her. “What brings you out here, Amanda?”
“I just wanted to talk to you and get to know you a little bit. I know you’re sick and there’s no telling when…”
“I’m going to die?” he finished for her.
“Yeah.”
Matt looked at her. “Amanda, I’ve walked this Earth for 53 years, the last 35 of them I’ve spent telling myself that there was always the possibility that I would wake up in the morning, or that I wouldn’t come home from a mission. But, somehow, I always came home. My fellow Marines started calling me ‘Gunny Indestructible’, and ‘The Indestructible Gunny’ and I’ll admit; it went to me head. After I retired from the Corps and took the job as a spy, I knew that I might not make it out of that alive. Then, I landed my ass in prison as a spy and knew that I might not get out of there alive. But I did and I got a big head from him until my escape from prison and I had a brush with the Reaper.” He started coughing again. She clapped him on the back like she’d seen David do on several occasions and he coughed up more blood into yet another white handkerchief. She could see now why Brie, David, and Jenn would just throw them away. They were in too bad of shape to keep them after he was done coughing. He wiped his mouth with the one he had in hand and put it in a bag that was sitting next to him. Brie came out and grabbed the bag, then left to throw it away. Matt continued speaking. “Anyway. When I escaped from prison I had my first real brush with the Reaper. I stared my own mortality in the face and I won. Now, I’m staring it in the face again and I know I’m going to lose. It sucks.”
“I can imagine.”
He smiled. “So, sweeting, is there anything in particular that you wanted to ask me?”
She smiled at him and started asking her questions.
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That afternoon after Jordan got home from school, Reckless Disregard had rehearsal. Jordan was taking a drink of water after they finished rehearsing “Unholy”, a song that they’d written after learning about their uncle’s cancer. Jordan looked at the boys one at a time. “Boys, I have a challenge for you”, she said. They all looked at her as she turned toward Logan. “You still consider our Uncle Matt your uncle too, right?” she asked him.
“Yeah, all of us kids do. Justin, Maya, Uncle Mikey’s boys, Kylie, Jonathan and I; we all think of your Uncle Matt as our Uncle Matt too.”
She nodded and turned to Caleb. “You still say that our family is like your family?”
“Sure do”, Caleb replied.
“Good, because I want to write a ballad for him.”
“That’s a great idea, Jord”, Malachai said. “And we can premiere it at our next gig.”
“Another party?” she asked.
“A Valentine’s Day sweetheart dance.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You know what, if it’s money I’m not going to bitch. I just hope that we can get Uncle Matt out of the house so that he can come see us on stage and see that we’re just as dynamic as our dads are.”
“Hey, my dad’s not a rock star”, Caleb said.
“We know, Caleb, but it was easier for me to say that instead of ‘Malachai and I’s Dad and Logan’s dad. That’s too much of a mouth full.”
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After rehearsal and dinner that night, Amanda decided that it was time to distract Malachai. When they got back out to their little house, she sat in his lap and straddled him. She didn’t give him the opportunity to ask what was going on; she latched her lips onto his and put every ounce of passion in her body into that kiss. When Malachai started responding to her she started pulling their clothes off. It was the best thing she could think of to distract him and she didn’t care if it took all night, he was going to forget- if only for a few moments- the fact that his Uncle was dying.
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